Trial By Fire

John 9

 1 And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth.

 2 And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?

 3 Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.


Tom and I have gone through a long hard trial. Our Gethsemane. I can only speak for me but I know a some of what I write he has voiced also.
Every trial we go through big or small is because of a choice we made. Left or right, good or bad, simple or complicated. We may of not brought the trial on ourselves but by the choice we made, we may of prolonged it.
Some trials we bring on ourselves, by not living the commandments we eventually receive the consequences. Others we live the commandments and our covenants, and still have trials. These are trials by fire. Our time to prove our faithfulness like Abraham when he was asked to sacrifice his son.

 Genesis 22:11 And the angel of the Lord called unto him out of heaven, and said, Abraham, Abraham: and he said, Here am I.

 12 And he said, Lay not thine hand upon the lad, neither do thou any thing unto him: for now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son from me.

This story is so endearing. Abraham was born Abram. His father was not a man of God. Abram's father tried to sacrifice Abram in his youth, to one of his idol gods but the Lord saved Abram.
It is hard to fathom what Abraham felt as an Angel came to him with the request to sacrifice Isaac. Abraham is asked to do exactly what his father had tried to do to him. I can't fathom if this was asked of me but it is really un fathomable to know the horror Abraham felt since he was asked to relive one of his most traumatic times of his youth.

Abraham past that trial inso much that he was blessed a hundredth fold. He was foretold that he would have generations that number the sands of the sea and the stars in the heaven.
Abraham was told time and time again to gather his family and flocks to move, wherever he went he was welcomed because he was a man of God or revered for his wealth. He had plenty of trials but always had a ounce more of faith to trust in the hand of the Lord.
The trials he endured, just like the blind man where not because of something they did but because they needed to be tempered in the fires of faith that the Lord could prove their obedience.
They made choices during their trials that brought consequences. Righteous choices receives righteous blessings. Unrighteousness receives unrighteousness.

For me as I endured each trial I erred in thinking "each". I faltered and recovered each time a trial came to me. I woke thinking it has to be over, what else can I give, what else can be taken.

In my youth, I think I was about seven or eight I had a dream. I only dreamt it once although it has many times been brought to my memory. Sometimes it feels as though I am seeing it all again in my mind and other times it was just a small piece. No matter how much was playing before my minds eye I felt the exact emotion I felt the night of my dream.

A few facts to help before I tell my dream. It is about the ranch house, horse pasture, bull pasture, and corrals.
In my youth I was told the Nicoll's  owned the horse pasture, the Engstrom's owned the ranch house and bull pasture. When I asked who owned the corrals I was told that it wasn't known but we share them.
A few years back Nicoll Brothers paid to have the property lines marked out. The Nicoll's own most of the horse pasture and the corrals, some of the fenced-in property that the ranch house sits on but not the ranch house and a small piece of the bull pasture. Some of the horse pasture is Naegle's and the rest of the bull pasture along with the ranch house is Engstrom.

As you leave the ranch house property into the horse pasture you go through a wire gate. At that time the cistern pretty much had an over flow of water that ran in a shallow ditch and ran back onto the ranch property, there it watered the currant bushes and the asparagus plants. It of course had a little grass growing on each side and mud. There was a two by ten board crossing it in two different places for the short stroke (short legged little ones) to cross. And a pipe under the road for the trucks to cross over.

I dreamt that I walked out of the ranch house and headed for the horse pasture, I saw a witch come down from the cistern as I went toward the board that I need to cross. The witch brought extreme fear to me. I went back to the ranch for safety. Even though I was alone I knew I was safe at the ranch or if I stayed within the barbed wire. I could walk to the corrals with no problem, I could then get to the horse pasture but I wasn't to go that way. I tied a few more times to go through the wire gate. The witch would come out again. Once I got as far as the bridge but she was under it.(I still remember reasoning that it was no more than three inches off the ground, but I knew she was there.)
After what felt like a long time I finally gathered up all the courage I had and walked past her. She encircled me yet never touched or harmed me. I was shaking but I was strong. By the time I crossed the bridge she was gone. I knew I had made the right choice to face my fear. It took time but I did it.
The fear I felt going into the horse pasture still resonates with me. I feel as though my heart is racing. My desire to go into the horse pasture leaves with me a feeling that I wanted to go there, I needed to go there, it was a desire beyond me.  If I kept trying I would conquer my fear because I knew the witch couldn't harm me, she wasn't real just the fear was real. My greatest unknown need was to get past the fear or cause of her being there.
The overwhelming safety and love I felt at the ranch I can only describe as the pure love of someone unseen protecting me. As if engulfed in the arms of the Savior or family members that has passed on protecting and loving me.


I remember as my dad was asked to not come to the ranch anymore and soon my parents divorce the dream played before me. I was fourteen and felt this dream may of prepared me for the realization that I would not be going any longer. I reasoned that I still felt the love of family and the witch was choices made by others that took ranching from me. I still had a great desire it just wasn't to be.

Then my parents remarried and I returned to ranching with my dad. The witch had been conquered. The fear withdrew. It took healing to go back again but my Uncles never spoke a bad word or brought up the cause of the reason my dad was asked to leave for a time. I felt safety. I felt the dream was satisfied and it went away.

When I got married and had children I pulled back from ranching to raise my family. I had just a short glimpse of my dream. The short part in where I waited to cross. It wasn't the fear that kept me from crossing it was the resolve I felt once I knew I had to. So in this short remembrance of my dream it was the fleeting feeling I had when I knew it was time for me to cross the bridge. That all will be well.

Of course my dream has visited me plenty in these last few years. The part that plays is the safety of the ranch and the fear of the witch. I have not yet had the resolve to cross or the realization that the witch can't harm me.
I know now is not the time. I will wait for the inspiration of when to face the witch and cross with surety that I can not be harmed.

I do know I am to ranch. That much has been revealed to me. Like my dream it is a desire, a need, and a fulfillment. Not just mine, or Toms, or Jesse and his family. It is from the Lord with a purpose that is only known by Him.

I love the safety I still feel for or from the ranch house, it is still as real as in my dream. The most unlikely thing that has happened lately has given me some much needed boost, is an uncle by marriage contacted me to say he did not take the money for the lease of the land to the Nicoll Brothers Ranch.
Courage and love can come from the most unlikely place. He was ever endeared to me from the visits we have had over the many years. He sees through the hurt that the ranch has always brought on the family and he took a solid silent stand.
Courage to face the witch has one stone on an every shifting sandy soil.

My love for the Lord is revealed to me time and time again through the many dreams He sees fit to send me. Without them I can't even imagine where I would be.