April 21, 2010

Dear Journal,

Up at 5:30 to take the dogs on a run. Nice, nice morning. Think I will take them all the way around the alfalfa field. As we approach home I have two dogs with classic signs of fox tail in the ears. One side of the field doesn't have fox tail but too late for me to notice, the other side does.

Tom had told me of two places I have to go this morning and now I know I can add the Vet to that list too.

Come home and fix breakfast for me and Tom, get dressed to go to work. Start my morning computer routine. My computer had a little burp but I finished what I needed. The Vet will see me at 8 am. Great, then I can go to Bill and Elaine's to say my good-byes to Bill. I tried to on Sunday but there was tons of family around. I had in my heart what needed to be said from me and I wanted and needed to tell him.
Had a good hour visit with him. Good man.

Then off to Beehive Clothing to satisfy some of Tom's list. Done there and now to finish of the list so I can get back to work to send in payroll. Went to get a couple of bed rolls (that is what we give as wedding gifts to our children, because that is what we got ourselves for a wedding gift). Pick up some more lead rope for my dogs because I like the price there. Now the list is done and can head to work again.

Sit down to work and my computer keeps turning off and then restarting. What?!!! I have a virus. I don't need this. Run down to use Tom's and his is doing the same. Find a computer that has some sanity and post payroll. Call Lance on the computer problems. See if Blaine can do anything. Lance can't do anything by remote service. Blaine tried some stuff but it is not working. Get depressed and do what I always do if I can't work through it. Went to bed. I can work as hard as the next, but if my hands are tied, I cope by getting depressed and falling asleep.

Woke up late, only to recieve a call that I can now pick up my dogs who are now awake from their minor surgery. Too depressed and too late to fix dinner. Tom wants to take me to dinner to help me settle down. He has a class him and the boys are going to, but if we drive separate and hurry it can all be worked in. Chinese buffet. Feed the stress, that is as good as sleep.

Come home and decide to just read. No TV, just read. About 7:50 get a call from Tom. You want to meet me at Mom and Dad's? Sure why? Dad has died. Heart stops. Mind reasons. If the Lord doesn't send us more than we can handle, why do I feel that I am having a heart attack? Get dressed and head there to watch, learn, grieve.

I am grateful to be a member of the true church that teaches us more than just to believe, but to KNOW there is life after death. That the Lord loves us and will only give as many trials as we need to grow and learn.

April 22, 2010

I am still breathing. I lived through it. My computer has been resurrected by Lance telling Blaine what to do. I was able to talk to Bill before he went home. My dogs are normal and happy. My heart is full. The Lord loves me, the little rough neck that I am.

Isn't It Ironic

When we young we would dig holes and think they were so deep that just a bit more and we would be in China. Now I wish I had that tunnel, so when Alicia goes to China I could visit her.

I want to blow everything off and play with the grandchildren. Earlier years I wanted to farm out my children and get everything else done.

I thought horses were my world, now give me a quad cuz I prefer cattle.

It is not fun cooking for two after you have cooked for a family.

I have traded in all our bunk beds for queen beds.

I clean the best when I am pissed off, It used to piss me off to clean.

When the ranch started generations ago it was over seen by a woman for the most part, it is close to that time again.

The Big Picture

Carsyn decided after a day in the desert that she would go home with the grandparents and spend the night. We knew she wouldn't because just the short drive from the day camp to Globe for a park and swap, she cried out for her mom. But we said yes anyway. We would love her to spend the night.

She helped us put away the camping things, and relaxed with us while we watch a movie. Then early evening came along and I asked "Are you going to sleep over?" Right away she said "No". So she gathered her things and gave kisses. This is a step for her. She loves her moms so much. Baby steps with her. The bigger picture is one day she might spend a whole week with us and when it is over she might cry not to have to go home.

While my pup and I are training on cattle or chickens there is a lot of loud commands. My family listens to me daily and wonder by what they hear if I am going to kill a dog or dogs or just keel over with a heart attack.

What I am building for is a command that they can hear on the other side of a large loud herd of cattle. You really don't want them to watch for hand signals because they take their eyes of the cattle to watch you.

Today I got my two herding dogs to play fetch side by side, kinda. I had to have them each watch a different hand and throw in opposite directions but they ignored each other. That is a large step. They are very competitive so that brings them side by side for most of the day.

What I want and need is for them to work independently of each other most of the time and only unite on a stubborn cow.