I have been receiving dreams again. My before dreams/long ago dreams encouraged me to walk a path I wasn't sure of. In fact I feel they left me on the edge of a cliff with my toes dangling over and a stiff wind at my back.
While studying Acts we read of Paul receiving a dream, he struggles with it’s meaning. Felt he may not of understand what the Lord is trying to tell him.
I too have struggled that I misinterpreted my dreams. Over time the meanings become more enlightening. As one recent dream came I told the Lord “No thank you”. My life is going good and I just didn't want any help. Especially since the last dreams left me in dire straits.
I went as far to tell the Lord that I had decided to be grateful but on top of that I would not ask a dang (I used the real word) thing of Him in another prayer. And to please take away these dreams, that I was not going to give them any credence by even jotting them down in my journal.
Yep I was watching for a lightening strike and I didn't even care.
Like I said earlier they had started. The first one, I was out and about somewhere and my sister Patti walked up to me and started to rehearse all that she had been up too. It was like she hadn't seen me for a long time and wanted to play catch up. I remember not really listening but just looking at her then a thought came to me, What the heck. She acts like nothing has even happened. Tell her, tell her how you felt, how you feel.” I didn't, I walked away.
I did wonder if the Lord was telling me walking away is ok. I had, so maybe He was reaffirming that it was the best thing I could do. But as I stated earlier I did not want to spend time dwelling on my dreams. Didn't want to encourage the Man upstairs.
So weeks pass and I have another dream where Patti has come up to me and is talking again. This time I don't stand there long at all. I remind myself that she/they will do anything to win, the trust is gone. The trust was equivalent to living beyond your means, spent and living with a debt to repay. There is no reason to stay. I walked away again.
I completely ignored this dream. Didn't try to analyze it in any way. I just didn't care and I didn't care who knew it. Which really means I had told the Lord those days of dreams were over, I was done.
Nope didn't stop them from coming. Again weeks later another one. This time Tom and I have gone to a memorial, a celebration of someone's life. When we get there I realize Patti is putting on this memorial, that made sense. That is how I met this person. It was through Patti and Terry.
When it was over Patti came to me, she had a small stack of 3x5 cards in her hand. She pulled one out and said I want you to do the Temple work for this person and handed it to me. I looked at it and it was for the woman that we were celebrating. I told her I could do that and I would love to. Patti then fanned through the other cards and said these others I want other people to do, not you. I noticed she had one for our parents. I told her their work is done. She told me that everyone had work to be done in the Temple. I tried to explain, unless you complete it while your alive. She started to argue with me so I turned to leave. I noticed my mother approaching and my father sitting further away in a chair at a table.
To interject when I dream of my parents if they are older it is a message from them.
If they are young it is a message from the other side of the veil. Both were young in this dream.
My mother approached Patti and grasped her hands, she told her how proud she was of her finding an interest in the Temple and the work that goes on there.
I turned toward my father, I didn't go to him, I asked him questions, but we talked without words.
What amazes me here, the questions I asked and the answers he gave. My questions were directed at being involved not taking over the ranch. This bears testimony that the Lord knew the true desire and intent of my heart. His answers show that this is an answer to my pleadings of years back, not now. I have no desire to ranch with people that will do anything not to have me around.
My conversation with my father went like this;
Me: Tell them not to ranch until I am welcomed
My father: They will only lie and say they told you you were welcome
Me: Tell them to invite me
My father: They will only deceive
Me: Tell them to give me the dates of when they will be there
My father: They will only pick days you can't come
My father look down trodden and sorrowful. Helpless in providing for me.
I then woke up. And I completely tried not to think on this dream. And I succeeded, almost. Once again I was mad at the Lord and told him so.
In church we are studying Acts. We read of Saul who was so mean to the saints. Evil is more like it. An Angel comes to teach Saul. When the ordeal is over Saul is such a new man, so converted that his name is changed to Paul. He is a great missionary and apostle of the Lord’s, but many times he is reminded of the evil he did in his past by those who come to hear him preach. His past won't let go.
My dream flashed in my head. It came when I was unprepared to push it aside. It reminded me that the past is not necessarily our path. That I need to be prepared for people that may have a change of heart. I should discern if change has come or if they still want to believe untruth. Like the joy my mother felt in Patti and her new interest but that still Patti wasn't willing to hear the truth from me. My desire wasn't to prove her wrong but to teach her.
Because of low self esteem for so long, I wanted to doubt myself instead of my sister. I wanted to over look her ignorance in this matter and judge me in the wrong. But what I believe I was to learn from this little interaction was, even though someone changes to value something you value it doesn't mean they value you. Because two now believe the same way one may still have resentment against the other.
As for my father and his part, he represented the Lord. After this dream I yelled at the Lord one day. I asked where is my angel that brings on change. How come I don't get miracles.
Just recently I learned a truth that most master much sooner than me. Agency. We all have it. We all use it, and with that agency we can bind the Lord’s hands.
I asked My Father for help. His hands were tied through lies, deception and hate. He can send an angel to teach me but not to change others for me.
Where was my angel, well it was standing me up when I felt betrayed. It was loving me when I couldn't love. I didn't need an angel to change me, I needed one to comfort me.
I learned I need to keep asking the Lord for help. He heard me. He told me, Child, I tried, but their agency prevailed.
I guess I will welcome my dreams. They are a lot easier to swallow when you stop to understand, to learn. One day I will quit kicking against the pricks.
Acts 9:5
And he said, Who art thou, Lord? And the Lord said, I am Jesus whom thou persecutest: it is hard for thee to kick against the pricks.
