Raise Your Hand

The range wars are over. Here is the Readers Digest condensed version, following this is my day after it happened, emotions raging, windy version.

In short you can’t fight hate. My brother and sister applied my inheritance of land and grazing rights to a loan between my father and Tom. Even after they told me that they would wait upon the sale of some property, thereby financially enriching themselves with raising cattle the rest of their life time. It sold before the note was due. They refused to reverse the inheritance in exchange for money. They along with my other sister and two cousins even went as far as contacting our realtor with a threatening letter to stop selling the property. He had no fear of their false claims.
They have gone to great lengths to rid themselves of me.
General a Conference started my healing, the cherry on top was seeing first hand that Steve can bully me no longer.
In our settlement agreement between a Steve, Nancy, Patti, Cody, and Don; we has 28 days to remove our personal equipment off the family property. We agreed upon a neutral person to be present when we went. It was written that Tom would contact this person and make arrangements. Within three days Steve had the audacity (odd ass is he) to call him and then they sent their farm hand to talk with him. That is total breach of the binding settlement. That is Steve, still having to interfere and bully into my life,
After April we should have no more contact. It is over.
I wonder how Steve will ever satisfy his drive to bully. I fear for the person he will use scratch his itch.
Just a warning, that group has a lot of smoke and mirrors but not enough cover up their bullshit. Be careful around them.
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Last we spoke to our lawyer she said that we are going to try and prove we owe nothing more on the family trust. Seeing that amount could of been substantial.

Also to agree on how much I should be paid on the buyout of the ranch llc.

Lastly, knock the fees down on what we owed to their lawyer to a reasonable amount.

I will confess that I feared we would owe them so much, that what I got from them would be a smittance. 

My dad didn’t keep records of what we paid him on a business loan between my father and Tom. As Tom double checked our records he didn’t find all of the payments. We knew we were up to date. When it turned out to be push comes to shove, the hand of the Lord prevailed and all was revealed to Tom where to find them. Even the two cash receipts that my dad had signed. Of course they told the mediator they were forged. 

So they walked away from anywhere of thousands of dollars to ten times that, in just a blink of an eye.
They zeroed out the loan.  I pray that was someones conscience beckoning them.

Their number for the buyout was around, again many thousands, ours was a lot more. They offered a tenth of what they claimed. We settled on just short of what they knew it was worth.

Lawyers fees were kicked off the table. Each would take care of their own.

The mediator met with their side first. When he came to us he introduced himself and then made a statement of there is much hate coming from the other side. 

I didn’t ask him how thick it was but to come out of the starting gate with a comment like that,  all Tom said was, “We know.”
Over all these years I've repeatedly said, you can't treat family like this or I don't understand why they are doing this. Now I do.  Now I can see it is best to completely steer clear of them, it is hard because I still see their worth and love them.  But hate is a strong.  It is something that takes over you, it is a decided emotion, a hungry emotion.  It needs to be fed, and it has been on a feeding frenzy for a long time. 

They did try and get thirty eight thousand on a RICO law. They wanted money for my cattle grazing on state land. The mediator had only the lawyers meet to discuss this new development. It was not previously listed in the letter each side had submitted for pre mediation. Our lawyers told the mediator that we wouldn’t even discuss it because it was a last minute addition. Me and Tom both looked at each other and whispered “ More shit thrown at the wall to see what sticks.” Our lawyers had to school theirs. That is a federal law.

The Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act, commonly referred to as the RICO Act or simply RICO, is a United States federal law that provides for extended criminal penalties and a civil cause of action for acts performed as part of an ongoing criminal organization.

We started to move along, they wanted me to sell my share in the jointly owned property. That was hard to swallow. My lawyers kept repeating that I need to “divorce” my siblings. If they want to be away from you do you truly want to be attached to them? No, I don’t, but divorce is such a ugly word in my book. You exhaust all avenues before you go there. The other side said everything would be off the table if I didn’t.  It came down how much longer can you fight against hate. I paid a decent amount for the share, They said it's worth only around three quarter of what I paid. We did pay more than it was worth but we were purchasing it from a family member.  We felt it was only right.  I know he would of taken less because he wanted to be rid of the Nicoll partnership but we wanted to be more than fair. They bought it from me for a small, but nice profit.

Then one last development emerged, I can not lease or purchase any property in the township around the family property but it was kicked down to a smaller mapped out area.

I know this makes it sound like room temperature butter on hot toast but in truth it was frozen solid butter on a still frozen eggo waffle. It didn’t spread so great and everyone kept shouting “Let go of my eggo.” Or in this instance “ my ego”. This lasted from around nine thirty in the morning until after six p.m.

The only request I had was a copy of my mother’s journals and my dads ranch notes. Not like them/ to sell property and a lifetime sentence of not purchasing more.

Well the journals have been distributed digitally for years. The bullies of course never gave me a copy nor my children. They told the mediator it would cost around two hundred to copy my dads writings. Tom offered our copier but they don’t want them in our possession. I was reminded that I had offered to pay for copies years ago. I smiled at the mediator and said “That was then.”

All throughout this the mediator said they have no money. The mediator told how they brought bank statements attesting to the fact. He also stated they told him how much we made in some land sale. He needed me to drop my financial demands. I just kept saying they have liquid assets, cattle sell weekly and the prices are good. They claim they can’t sell even one because they need them all to keep the ranch going. Cody even told the mediator that Steve had monthly been keeping the ranch afloat financially. 

Well I got lots of questions. So if you have less cattle doesn't that make operating cost go down? If mister money bags is having to foot a bill for something that I first hand witnessed could sustain itself then I think it is time to look over the management skills and make some changes. The first would be of course down size into something more manageable. That takes me back to the last meeting I had with them when Cody wanted to enlarge the herd and I felt we were maxed out but the vote went to enlarging. I had stated if it is too burdensome we could always sell some off and around thirty days later Don called me wanting to know why we enlarged if I had ideas of selling them off. That was one of many calls that I questioned if they sat around drinking and convincing themselves of my evil ways. I reminded him that Cody put forth the vote and we all voted. I just made a statement following the vote that made the pill easier to swallow.

But maybe Steve’s payments are really another buyout. Hum. 

Previously the mediator told us he had learned from them that we had sold some property for a large amount.  This was the cause of the mediator trying to talk us into going gentle on them.  They didn't have the funds he reminded us.
I'd like to know what this had to do with what the mediator had come to solve.  But we had faced this exact thing years previously.  When my personal family went through our trial, Cody make sure the court knew if they needed to punish Tom financially they could. He wrote to them telling them that we had multiple houses and autos.Cody was a tattle tail when he was young.  Thought he would of out grown it.  Both times the dirty little secrets didn't get him anywhere. Good for us, dang it for him. I didn't marry into money I married into hard work.  Everyone in that room had the same opportunities as we had.  They choose differently. Since we lived with tight belts and did without to finally have some financial freedom we were to not seek worthy damages in this case?
This is the exact socialistic mind set they have.  You have more than us so we should have to pay less than any value we agree on. Those with socialistic attitudes can not be happy for what others gain.  They can never be satisfied with their own earnings in life or even apply themselves more.  They live in a "whoa is me" state of mind. This is why the ranch is failing, their own personal finances are not satisfactory to them, let alone what the ranch has to offer, its just not good enough, big enough.   If your not satisfied, work harder with less.  Don't look at what others have and cry unfair. We worked for every penny.  We didn't take time to hunt, play sports, work for the government.  We hustled, worked our butts off, went without.  Made our own money.

Within the few years of kicking me off they have spent money on improvements that are no more than keeping up with the Jones.   The purchases will not pay for them self.   They purchased things that make it to where they don't have to come as often.  The greatest commodity they have suffered from not being checked on continually and constantly.  Yep, you may think the cattle but no, the grass.   I've never met a rancher in our area hauling hay to feed in the summer. Downsize if that is happening. They will blame it on us for running cattle in another area.  Bull shit.  You had too many in one area.  An area that sustained cattle before for the same amount of time.  Haul water.  I did, it gave the cattle the ability to graze areas farther from the overgrazed area around the watering hole.  Putting salt and licks didn't sustain them did it.  Nope, had to start hauling hay.
Do you grin from ear to ear every time you think of the number of animals you run.  Does it make you step a little higher, you cattle mogul, you.
I was called by a mutual acquaintance.  It was making them sick to see so many calves dying from lack of care.  They hauled hay during the harsh winter but only on weekends and to only one area, was their claim. I said my hands are tied and they stated I would of never let this happen. They said they were contacted by the Nicolls earlier and wanted to defend themselves of all the bad they had heard from me, then they started to tear me to pieces.  Our mutual friend informed them that I had never contacted them. They told me of how they watched me for years out there taking care of the cattle like they were my children. I believe with the loss they sustained over the few years and this winter is why they won't sell any.  They must of really got hit hard.

Since new request we’re flying around the room we threw one out. How about if Cody the victim in the up coming trespass court writes a letter to the prosecuting attorney and state that the family had come to a resolve. He stated he couldn’t do that because it would harm his “Special relationship” that he has with the Apache county sheriff department. Whoa, special. Front or back pocket special.

The last time the mediator came to us to reaffirm the other side agreed to all terms he said with a smile, maybe a smile that it was finally over, maybe a smile of what he was about to say was as ridiculous as it sounded. He informed us that the money was a hardship on them and the money in the trust that was to go for a kidney transplant was going to go to me instead.

If you don't know everything about gas lighting but this is a perfect example of it.  Over the last five years so many things have happened to family members.  Tom and I have either shared it or shared something about it.  We wanted prayers said in behalf of the needs for each.  We know we are being watch even by our enemies.  Not that we wanted their sympathy, no we are at the end of the day family.  We wanted to share with them that they may have the opportunity to know and participate in anyway they felt comfortable.
Gas lighting is holding emotional power over someone.  For the last five years they have hid good news, sad news, celebrations from us. It was the only power they had over us. The funny thing is it is powerless, we had no idea so the only power they had was the imagined power. They felt power having the mediator inform us in this way. It didn't work.  Our hearts break at hearing someone is suffering but to blame us for lack of money is not ours.  They have resources.
Another point of Steve's gas lighting is how he informed me that our mother had passed.  He called me and said "Your wish has come true your mother is dead." Can you see how he distanced his self by calling mom my mother, can read the shock value in accusing me of wishing her dead.
Again, they keep pushing the idea we are rich and they aren't and using the mediator to push that point is gas lighting. Trying so hard to make us feel guilty.  Does anyone remember that Cody just bought a ranch.  His own ranch.  Does that sound like someone who is hurting?  As for the others they made the choice to be happy with their income.
To think about it. the Nicoll family has a lot of people that believe there is power in not letting others mourn or celebrate along with you.  Even sickness of another cousins was kept a secret from us.  I hope they got or get the healing they need out of shunning family members.
We even had another that wouldn't give us the itinerary for the family reunion.  They stated we would receive one on our arrival.  As this request progressed on Facebook a family member that had received one sent us his.  I will ever be grateful to him for reaching out in that way.
These people lie by the lie of omission. They don't like Tom because he is loud, but you will always know where you stand with him.  No lie of omission in him.  Yes they are his opinion. It may not be a truth but it is a truth to him, which what our opinions are to us also.
What we posted on social media was truth from our side.  We are open honest people.  Not behind your back kind of stabbers.  Just like them contacting others to tear us down. I know with all my heart this was done in the family.  We are worse because we did it openly so people could defend themselves.  But to remain behind the curtain is okay.  That's kinda Oz.
It makes me sick how we would rather stand with people who lie by saying nothing, that shun those they can't agree with and hold a supposed power by withholding love and joy, sadness and mourning with those that are just as involved in the lives of others as they are.
No matter how hard you try, we are family and always will be.  The things you denied us only denied your capacity for growth, compassion, and unconditional love.

Sell some damn cattle you selfish, prideful, couldn’t run a business unless running into the ground means running it, bunch of bullies.
Get over yourselves.

One amazing truth that came from this, no matter how hard they tried to down play the worth of things, truth played out in that part of the dealings, numbers don't lie. Truth will prevail.

So I ask our waitress “If your siblings paid you about as much as we bought our first house for (I told her the amount), to not be their sibling anymore, would you?”

She said “Show me the money.?”

She then said something about sitting back and watching for karma to visit them.

I learned many things over these last fist bearing, fit throwing, fear thriving, faith promoting, forgiveness learning, family losing, friend cherishing, five years, it boils down to:

Love everyone

Trust no one

I have become my mother and father.  My mother had love for all, my dad had trust for none.  I encompass both.

As we all know there are laws or rules in society and courts but they don't for the most part have morals, or what is morally right.  My siblings being the trust executors were able to enrich themselves by taking what was given to all of us and transferring to it themselves.  The law says, yes do this, it is right.  But for those of us with a moral compass we couldn't do that.  So that is how this last five year fight ends.  A family trust trumps another's constitutional right.  One piece of advice I would leave with families, when it comes to picking an executor consider picking two neutral people that have nothing to gain in the outcome.  Don't leave the temptation of one gaining more than another to those that in your heart you wish will love each other to the end once you are gone.
Like they say, Money is the root of all evil.  You never know the caliber of person you truly are until you hold the riches of another within your grasp.

When you ask them they will tell you we owed the trust money on a loan from my father.  A loan my father initiated, he came to us.  After his death the loan still had almost two years before it came due.  We were in the middle of selling property to pay in full.  My siblings said they would wait on the sale.  They did not.  They took my inheritance to pay some of the amount due and waited for the rest, which we paid with the sale of the property before the due date.  They would not release my inheritance back to me.  They kept it as part of the payment.  This is legal.  This is not moral.
As we were selling the land our realtor received a letter stating from the Nicoll family that they were going to file with the realtors board against him if he didn't stop the proceedings of the sale. Of course our realtor dots all his i's and crosses his t's so that is as far as it went.

May the Lord bless you all. May karma, if she is real, stay her hand. I would rather you gently sail through this life and wait to pay the full price in the next.

As for me, if I can’t look someone in the eye on any given transaction I surely fear how hard it will be to look my Savior in the eye to justify my side.

My two desires throughout all this was to mediate (got that) and my other was to sit and look at each other to see the true pain we each caused, gain some insight into our collective hearts (denied this). 

I will accept the money, I would do almost anything to find closure, I just never, could never pay one red cent to divorce my siblings. 

Raise your hand if you could.