A friend of mine posted a picture of a sign in her kitchen, it read;
THE GREATEST GIFT U CAN GIVE ANOTHER HUMAN BEING IS TO HAVE THEM FEEL HEARD BY YOU
This struck me with delight. Pure genius. Those are the exact words I have been anguishing over for years now, but I couldn't form it into a sentence.
A couple of years back I got an email from my sister Patti, all it said was, Your a two faced witch.
I emailed her back asking what I had done. She sent a reply, You know what you have done.
I didn't at that time, but in a few days of meditation and prayer I think I know what set her off. We leased a section with a windmill and drinker on it and started running our own brand. Just thinking out loud but it is alright to be pushed away from running cattle with the family but not to run your own.
So badly I wanted to hear her out. I truly belief in the gift of listening.
One day I heard that my other sister Nancy had gone to a hearing to testify to the character of my husband. This hearing had nothing to do with her and the judge saw no reason to call on her.
I called her and asked what could I ever done to hurt her that she would go to do something like that.
I needed to know how I could of hurt her so.
She remained silent but was still on the line. After an awkward silent I said in a very hushed voice something that preyed upon my mind but never left my lips. Oh those close to me could read the signals or hear it in my words but this was the first time I admitted it.
I said. Nancy, I think of suicide.
The line went dead. She hung up. Once again I wanted to know what I had done.
I went to the ranch one last time to pick up my cows and calves that were running with the herd from when my father was still alive and managing the ranch.
Steve hollered, What are you doing here, you need to leave right now.
I answered that I had come to claim my cattle.
He said he didn't hear me but nothing I said was worth listening too.
I tried to give the gift of listening. I always asked "What have I done, or how have I hurt you"?
I had gotten back in black. The black not in a financial way but the black that comes when you are lost in confusion.
Our lawyers had been checking how my ranch partners had crossed all the "t's" and dotted all the "i's" and found enough evidence to file against them in Superior Court. Like my lawyer said "This is nothing but a f*** you Ginny" by my family.
My latest struggle was, my two sisters are widows. If there is anything the Lord talks about caring for as much as the little children it is widows.
I had the hardest time trying to swallow that pill. But they signed papers that threw me aside, that took my inheritance from me. They were part. Could I press charges only toward the men? Can we pick only a few out of a bunch to prosecute?
This tore me up inside. I soon had to bite the bullet and file against them all or none at all.
Between that and other things that just previous to this had happened,Tom had no choice but to ask me to return to therapy.
As we visited I told him of my sister hanging up on me. He asked me how did that make me feel and why would she do that.
I felt I was of no worth. I called to see if I needed to amend for something. I reach out to someone I loved with the fear that had started gripping at me. I told him that it just told me that no one cares why should I.
He said what it tells him is she felt guilty for something and didn't want to face it at that time.
I find myself not wanting to believe my therapist. To believe there has to be undeniable facts or the want to believe. That is how we believe in Christ and/or believe Christ. We want too or there are factors in our life that we can not deny Christ.
When you believe more in others than yourself it destroys the truth that is placed in front of you.
I told him how I struggled with my sisters being widows. That they are special to the Lord.
Even Christ upon his death asked for his mother to be taken care of. He knows and understands the plight of the widow.
I had to come to the recognition that widows are to be taken care of, they are not perfect. They make choices that are not pure in heart.
At the close of our session I said I think I could get along better in life if I quit reading the scriptures. They put conflict in my brain.
He said that would not be a good choice.
Ok, I'll keep reading them.
A day before General Conference for the Chuch of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints started I wrote down seven statements or questions that I needed answered. The first one I asked the Lord if I had His blessing on where the family pursuit was going. As I listened to all the sessions many things were answered and others enlightened but that first question still remains unanswered. As the last session closed, our newly sustained Prophet stood to speak. In one small part he quoted from the song Let Us All Press On. I heard many angels shout as he said "In the fight for right let us wield a sword, The mighty sword of truth."
My whole fight has been for truth. The Lord rejoices in truth. In spreading it and defending it. To uphold those stand upon it and to expose those that defile it.
Somethings are so ironic. On Facebook over a period of days I watched as many friends posted pictures of their siblings. I thought of mine. How I wish it was different not indifference between us. As sadness started it long strangle hold upon me, my lawyer called, my two sisters had been served. I won't lie, I did rejoice. When you have the blessing of the Lord it helps to face the most difficult situations. My happiness comes from the thought that we will be heard.
May truth prevail and may we all one day give the gift of being heard.
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