God Speed

I had a vision, it was like looking at a painting as I walked by. So much information was processed in such a short time. I saw a table that was kidney shaped, like what we had in elementary school for the teacher to teach in small groups, I was sitting on the concave side.

The table was laden with plates of food. It wasn't comfort food. The food was what you would see in a Thanksgiving meal. There was a plate of finely sliced turkey, one heaping with mash potatoes, a gravy bowl, slices of pies, cornbread dressing and much more to choose from.

It was very presentable and appetizing. I was in no hurry to eat. I knew it wouldn't spoil or get cold. It would just wait until I was ready to partake. 

Beyond the laden table was a hall with high walls. The hall was so long I couldn't see the end of it but what I did notice, there was no windows or doors. There was no choice but to move forward, no distraction.  It was well lit, even as far as I could see it never got dark. The floor was a very smooth cement.

As I sat and looked at the food, my thoughts were of two fold. Being that it is a Thanksgiving meal, it inspired me to think of gratitude or blessings. I had a hard time wanting to acknowledge what was placed before me. To do so would make me feel like a hypocrite. Many times I had seen the hand of the Lord in my life, received blessings, or small acts of mercy. When I get depressed the Lord is the first one I turn from. 

Another reason I wasn't interested in the food was I didn't want to move past these blessings. Not that I feared because I couldn't see any others down the hall. Those would come as needed. I feared the long hall and what strength it will take to start down that journey. The growth that is in store every time we progress usually comes from pain. Growing pains that are beyond the pain our bodies felt in our youth, but the pains in our heart as we experience life.

The floor was a finished cement. It reminded me of the cement on our front porch of Tom and ours first house. One day I was out front with my kids visiting with neighbors. A clap of thunder rang loud and close, at the same moment the skies opened up and poured buckets. We ran to the house. I had a baby in my arms and hit that cement, my feet flipped up from under me, I twisted in such a way to land on my back and head all the while squeezing the baby into my chest.

That cement in the long hall reminds me of something unstable. That, as hard as I try to do right, I might get hurt doing good things. That I might have to face pain that others can't take from me or help me heal. I will have to not depend on the arm of flesh but solely upon the Lord. Trust in the Lord does not come easy for me. But I think my trial by fire is coming.

Tom and my therapist have for a long time asked me to think or write of my blessings. To think of all the good that has happened over my life instead of only seeing the bad or pain.

I think this vision warns me of the long walk I am going to have to take alone. That to proceed I will need to fuel up. Not on food. What I am entering is not feast or famine it is fight and flight. I need fuel that I can build a protective layer around my heart, a layer of fuel I can use to feed my brain. I need assurance that no matter what the Lord loves me, even though those I love seemed to not care a bit for me. I am a thorn in their side, a burr under their saddles.

When my lawyer sent me the paperwork to review that I was pursuing my cousins, brother, and sisters for conspiring to take my right to land and grazing for my cattle the first thought that came to my mind was, Powder yet balls boys, it's going to be a long ride.

I see that in the hall. The length of it is amazing but what is even more amazing is to have light as far as the eye can see. It is the truth that will be revealed. Truth is light. Some of this light may come out as misunderstandings, others maybe misrepresentation, and still more may be pure deception and lies. 

There are five different counts that will need to be addressed and ruled upon in my court papers. I believe it will take a long time to get through it. I will need strength. That is what the Lord is revealing it to me. I will need to feed on these blessings to persevere. I am the only plaintiff listed, alone to speak on behalf of my inheritance that has been tried, taken, or manipulated from me. I stand against five people and three listed entities. This seems overwhelming to me. But if I can square my shoulders like that little girl from my dream in my youth, I will come out on the other side a better person. 

That is if the cement floor doesn't get me.

The first blessing that comes to mind is Tom. He believes me and he has long believed in me. He loves me. His greatest strength is his desire to fight for what is right. Every challenge is met with such power. I have a great asset in him. I am not a fighter. But I can with him in my corner.

Jesse and Amanda are a blessing. They both put their shoulder to the wheel, even when I am knocked so low all I do is argue and sleep.

My dreams have been a great comfort and tender mercy to me. The anxiety I feel weeks or days before something devastating happens prepares me to hold on tighter when it hits. I know that is a warning from the Lord so my knees only buckle enough to fall so far instead of being knocked off my feet.

The one cousin that lets me talk. She has been there when I needed to know if I was crazy. 

My dear friend that contacts me when I need to know I exist. I don't know how she does it but just "hey how ya doing" is always at the perfect time.

The many warnings that something was amiss with our cattle.

I have seen the hand of the Lord in the rulings of the judge so far in a previous case. I thought all was lost with the part he ruled in their favor but as weeks went by I see the ruling they got set a precedent for how the other two rulings will proceed. 

This winter being mild was a blessing for me. Having to haul water would have been really hard in adverse conditions. 

We have been blessed with honest lawyers and the means to afford them. They have even hired people that had previously work in an area of expertise that is very beneficial to us. What a great blessing and asset they will be to our lawyers.

The many times my father has given me confirmation and comfort during this long arduous trial.

The notes I get from almost strangers that tell me what comfort my writing about my trials brings to them. They don't feel alone in theirs.

Scripture and scripture stories bring me comfort. Reading the prophesy of the last days and my patriarchal blessing brings reassurance that the Lord is aware and watching, comforting and orchestrating my trial for my growth. 

Violence isn't the worst thing in the world. Being apathetic is.

          Henry's Book (movie)