A moment in Time

Has a moment ever weighed on your mind. A moment that was, I don't know how to explain it, so ordinary that you wonder why it keeps coming to mind.
This moment for me is over two years old. It took less than 10 seconds to happen but it has never left me. It is still so vivid. My moment consist of me, my brother Steve and my sister Patti.

Today as I walked my dogs it came to mind again. But today was different. Instead of playing it over and over. I was able to analyze it. Maybe it will go to bed and I can move on.

Let me introduce you to my moment, but first explain what was going on.

This is the day of my dads funeral. The viewing, closing of the casket and family prayer has just happened. We (my family, my siblings and their families and all those who loved my dad enough to call him family) are following the casket into the chapel for the funeral service.
I stop to sign the guest book. Tom's hand is on my shoulder. My sister Patti is behind me then steps beside me and she says quietly that she can't wait to go through dads things (she is the most sentimental of us all). I turn and say "I have all I could ever want in my heart."
My brother Steve now is passing by. I am now signing the book and over his shoulder he says "Nothing at the ranch is going to change." I look up from the book but my mouth remains shut. I remember the words but can't understand them.

That's it folks. That's my ten seconds. My moment.
It has preyed upon my mind for these two long years. So insignificant. But yet it never left me.

Today on my walk it all folded out before me. Each character, where they were at the time and what they were doing.

I, Patti and Steve are at the chapel doors. My mom has gone directly into the chapel. And my sister Nancy I can't place her.

Now to analyze this scene. For the first time instead of breaking down what was said, my mind broke down where people stood.

My mom, in the chapel. She had crossed over the threshold and was no longer in the foyer. She was with the host of others with my dad. My mind put the chapel as heaven. That's why she plays no part in my moment. She has gone to her mortal rest and can't help me.

My sister Patti was behind me then stepped out away. Thinking of gaining things to remember my dad by. Tangible objects. Sentiment value. Filling the void that left along with our dad passing.

My brother Steve. Warning or bullying. I can't judge which. But here is what is significant. He passed me up. All others gave me my ten seconds to sign the book.

My sister Nancy never played out before. I don't know where she is. She may be behind me or helped Mom to follow the casket. I really don't know.

If I look at each of these people today "my moment" defines them.

My mom. Passed through the veil. An endeared memory.

My sister Patti was behind me then steps away from me.

My sister Nancy is nowhere near. I don't know if she is in front, behind or stepping away.

My brother Steve is verbalizing his demands and passing by like I am a nobody.

I am done with that moment. As I write this I can feel it is no concern to me any longer. That small amount of time has now almost warned me of where I stand in my family. Believe it or not, it is a relief or release. It is wonderful when something beacons for attention and just like that it is satisfied.

The answer took about ten seconds.

Now one day I will tell you about a dream I had when I was eight that has never left me. But first I need to completely analyze it. Then I will share.