Mourning, Comfort, and Burdens

I have been stuck on the concept of mourning. In Mosiah 18, Alma has prepared the hearts of those who followed after him. They are desirous to come into the fold of God and to be called his people.
willing to bear one another’s burdens,
willing to mourn with those that mourn;
comfort those that stand in need of comfort,

Alma also asked this of those who chose to be baptized

 to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places
that ye may be redeemed of God,
and be numbered with those of the first resurrection,
 that ye may have eternal life—
 being baptized in the name of the Lord,
 as a witness before him that ye have entered into a covenant with him,
that ye will serve him and keep his commandments,
that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you

We covenanted to:
• Enter the Church of Jesus Christ.
• Be called after His name.
• Serve God and keep His commandments.
• Serve each other and bear each other’s burdens
• Be a witness for Christ and His Church.

The Lord promised to:
• Forgive our sins.
• Give us the guidance of the Holy Ghost.
• Let us come forth in the first resurrection.
• Give us eternal life.

https://www.lds.org/manual/duties-and-blessings-of-the-priesthood-basic-manual-for-priesthood-holders-part-a/gospel-principles-and-doctrines/lesson-29-baptism-a-continuing-covenant?lang=eng

Alma hit on all the points of our Baptismal Covenant. He even emphasized the serve and comfort one another.

One day as I talked to Tom about what had been preying on my mind I asked him what covenants do we make at baptism, this is pretty close to what he said

When we are baptized, we covenant to take upon ourselves the name of Jesus Christ, to always remember Him, and to keep His commandments. We also promise “to serve him to the end” (D&C 20:37; see also Mosiah 18:8–10).
In return, Heavenly Father promises that if we repent of our sins, we can be forgiven (see Alma 7:14) and “always have His Spirit to be with [us]” (D&C 20:77), a promise made possible, in part, through receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost.
https://www.lds.org/ensign/2012/07/understanding-our-covenants-with-god?lang=eng

I think it weighed on me that most people had forgotten the part to mourn, comfort or help with another’s burden. Before I talked to Tom about this I did an experiment. One was face to face and the other two where through email. I told of a hard time I was going through but how the Lord had intervened. The one that was face to face had just shared with me of some good news. As I started to share, knowing that the Lord had lightened my burden and sent comfort but that I still mourned for those that inflict misery upon each other, I was stopped and told that they didn’t want to hear about that. The two I emailed never replied back.

So I started to research “mourning” or to “mourn”. I found on the subject that most articles tied mourning to death. Even as I searched within church talks. So I had resigned that maybe I had the wrong definition on mourn. I didn’t feel I did so I kept at it. Reading talk after talk and article after article. I stumbled on to this

I now realize that in the Church, to effectively serve others we must see them through a parent’s eyes, through Heavenly Father’s eyes. Only then can we begin to comprehend the true worth of a soul. Only then can we sense the love that Heavenly Father has for all of His children. Only then can we sense the Savior’s caring concern for them. We cannot completely fulfill our covenant obligation to mourn with those who mourn and comfort those who stand in need of comfort unless we see them through God’s eyes.3 This expanded perspective will open our hearts to the disappointments, fears, and heartaches of others. But Heavenly Father will aid and comfort us, just as Chad’s parents comforted me years ago. We need to have eyes that see, ears that hear, and hearts that know and feel if we are to accomplish the rescue so frequently encouraged by President Thomas S. Monson.
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/10/through-gods-eyes?lang=eng

 Then I wondered maybe mourning or comfort is a form of enabling. Thinking that if the pain, disappointment, fear and/or heartache is self inflicted are we only enabling them when we give comfort.

If our brothers and sisters who are swept up in one weakness or another, as we listen to them, while in our hearts we pray they would see the errors in their ways and seek the help they need to get out of the vicious circle that has them sucked into a disabling whorl pool that is only taking them farther down and deeper in. Or as we give comfort, are we really saying it’s ok to the consequences that befall them, only giving them the impression that we approve of their life choices. Giving them the impression that we too feel the consequences of their choices seem unfair.
This thought came to me many times people have told me to give up, walk way from the fight I have before me. It only tears at my soul and rips the family apart. Then I came across this article,

“The comfort comes from being able to sit with somebody, not say anything and not expect anything,” said Sederer. “The comfort is putting your arm around somebody’s shoulder, giving them a hug, or enabling them to feel able to cry or run through the millions of thoughts in their head as they try to figure out what just happened. That’s really where the comfort comes from.”
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/13/how-to-help-those-who-hav_n_5672336.html

I googled comfort and enabling and most articles latched onto the word enabling and gave the do’s and don’t of being an enabler. I liked how comfort and enabling is used here. When I reach out to talk that is all I needed “ go through the millions of thoughts in my head as I try to figure out what just happened”.
When I reach out it wasn’t because I have trust in your knowledge or judgments. It was because I felt love and security in you before. I don’t want or need confirmation to what I am doing is right. I need to be heard, so I can hear for myself. I don’t need to be judged or have others judged. I need a friend who I love and trust. A wall to bounce things off. I don’t need advice unless I seek it. The funny thing is as I write this, this is exactly what the articles from the church, to therapist, to grief counselors all say. To mourn or comfort is to not give reasons or answered but to just be open to listening.

Also in my study I was once again taken to the story of Job. He had many reasons to mourn. He had three friends that traveled to be with him durning his time of mourning. Soon they went from listening to advising him, to judging him. The Lord stepped in and told them they do not speak of Him. He called them to repentance. They did as they were told.

I have come to the conclusion that I had the right meaning to mourning. That listening to someone in mourning does not make you an enabler it just enables someone to heal or find answers.
That's me, I have lost the art of mourning. I feel we rely on lightening another’s burden, we try to fix, give advice or bring food. We have forgotten how to just listen, hug, or hold a hand.
Many times as I explained something to someone or I write in my journal, I have found the answer I was seeking. Sometimes as I seek in prayer I am not available to hear or feel the answer. I am distracted . But as I form sentences in word or ink I become undistracted, I can get answers.

I do write prayers in my journal. It helps. But I don’t believe Alma was talking to his friends, followers, and faithful saints to turn to their journals to mourn and find comfort. I believe he was talking to us. For us to take time for each other. The way the Lord does for us individually.

What I have learned from all this is, that some people truly live up to their baptismal covenants and others (me) have a long way to go. I know the Lord loves me, from that love I have learned to love more deeply. I have had many trials and have learned empathy for so many things. I cringe when I realize what the Lord has endured for us. He truly has empathy for us, not mere sympathy.
I am thankful for those who do listen, that unlike the Lord, I don't cry out in pain, And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? Matthew 27:46

Maybe I need to study between mourning and moaning.