A conference talk really spoke to me today. My mind has greatly been occupied with many questions that I believe may never be answered.
My feet have been set upon a path that I know where it ends but I don't know the why or how. Because of my dreams I know what it entails. If that doesn't sound like the cart before the horse I don't know what does.
I told of dream that I had when I was eight. The short of it was that I needed to fight wickedness to obtain the right to be on our family ranch.
I have study and pray the why but not the how. For me I need the why or reason I do things. But I guess I forgot that the Lord rarely tells you why.
As the for "how" it has been brought forth by the hand of the Lord. Not once did I go to the Lord with a plan, every time it was revealed to me then I prayed to accomplish it.
After reading this talk I have learned that I don't need to spend my time praying to know "why" the Lord wants something for me, but I need to pay attention on how to fulfill it.
The parenthesis is from the talk Swallowed Up In The Will Of The Father by Neal A Maxwell
(As one’s will is increasingly submissive to the will of God, he can receive inspiration and revelation so much needed to help meet the trials of life.)
I don't know what is in store but a great blessing has come to me. To explain this blessing you have to envision a pie cut into seven pieces. My dad had one slice until he passed and I obtained one fifth of his one seventh. Just a little sliver but a mighty great smidgling.
I have now through the blessing and encouragement of the Lord have attained a full slice along with what my dad left me.
I struggled accepting this slice until one night the previous owner came to me in a dream. She had passed beyond the veil. In my dream I was visiting with her husband, she came down the hall, she was dressed in white, she was very young, beautiful, and she looked at me with the most lovely reassuring smile, that I knew this was the Lords plan for me.
(Thus, acknowledging God’s hand includes, in the words of the Prophet Joseph, trusting that God has made “ample provision” beforehand to achieve all His purposes, including His purposes in our lives (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 220). Sometimes He clearly directs; other times it seems He merely permits some things to happen. Therefore, we will not always understand the role of God’s hand, but we know enough of his heart and mind to be submissive. Thus when we are perplexed and stressed, explanatory help is not always immediately forthcoming, but compensatory help will be. Thus our process of cognition gives way to our personal submission, as we experience those moments when we learn to “be still, and know that I am God” (Ps. 46:10).)
In my dream from my youth I faced the witch, as I crossed foot bridge she was under, I still had much anxiety and trouble but it wasn't until I completely crossed onto family land and turned to face her that she disappeared.
Since this purchase we have contacted a family member to say that we need to use the corrals and we would like to schedule a time to not interfere with them. He was still not welcoming and told us that we couldn't. We explained we own the largest slice of the pie out of all the individuals and have the right and we were just trying to be courteous.
I have the greatest desire to share our heritage with all. That is my true desire. The Lord knows my heart, blesses me with the ability to work towards that dream and sends me reassurances through dreams.
(Actually, everything depends—initially and finally—on our desires. These shape our thought patterns. Our desires thus precede our deeds and lie at the very cores of our souls, tilting us toward or away from God (see D&C 4:3). God can “educate our desires” (see Joseph F. Smith, Gospel Doctrine, 5th ed., Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1939, p. 297). Others seek to manipulate our desires. But it is we who form the desires, the “thoughts and intents of [our] hearts” (Mosiah 5:13).
The end rule is “according to [our] desires … shall it be done unto [us]” (D&C 11:17), “for I, the Lord, will judge all men according to their works, according to the desire of their hearts” (D&C 137:9; see also Alma 41:5; D&C 6:20, 27). One’s individual will thus remains uniquely his. God will not override it nor overwhelm it. Hence we’d better want the consequences of what we want!)
Every time I was pushed farther away from the family land, the Lord in all his mercy blessed me. My family tried to get me in trouble as I ran cattle on family leases. At the time I was hauling water and trying to keep the cattle off of the leases. Then the state stepped in and said I had every right. Then the family tried to get me for cattle rustling and the state said I can run my own brand on the family leases. The family told me the well I had leased was really a BLM well and tried to make me get off of it. But that only showed I no longer needed to lease it but could use it for free.
This is the hand of the Lord. He has a plan and it will not be frustrated. I believe He wants the family to keep and use this sacred ground. I believe this, because it is all I desire.
I truly have done nothing to be treated the way I have been. It was foretold in my dream but I never imagined it would be family. I thought it would be some force on the outside. My heart breaks for our family and the pain it has brought forth.
From the beginning I have asked those who betray me to pray and ask the Lord if what they do is right. I have asked the family to pray to see if they can intercede with a family counsel. It is the Lords plan and will, I have prayed and have been answered or led.
The ranch can't survive going into a next generation. It will be two many fingers in the pie.
I humbly make an offer to any other family member that has considered selling, would you please pray and let me purchase it.
My desire is to make it possible for all to enjoy. To share and involve all in our heritage.
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1995/10/swallowed-up-in-the-will-of-the-father?lang=eng
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